What's Next?

There is no question asked more frequently of a graduate than, "So, what's next?"  Having graduated from high school, undergraduate, and most recently graduate studies, my love-hate relationship with this question has resurfaced.  It is this way for several reasons.  At first, I love the question because I feel like people are interested in my life.  My love of the question is fickle, however, and quickly turns into hate - hate because my most honest answer is, "I do not know," but I feel like I am expected to give a different answer.  I mean, I have a general idea and gut feeling for what is ahead, but I do not know specifics.  There is no flowchart or neat and tidy presentation.  Love quickly turns into hate because this incessant question uncovers fear and anxiety in the midst of an uncertain future that is buried deep within my heart.  

Graduation is a distinct transition time, which presently causes me to remember what it was like last time I graduated.  When I graduated from my undergraduate studies in 2009, I discovered a song by a favorite singer/songwriter of mine named Missy Higgins.  This song is a great expression of what I am currently experiencing (lyrics here):

In the midst of my "I do not know" is my relationship with the only God who is all knowing; with the only God who called me into the current life I am living and who alone empowers me to live it.  I am on the brink of experiencing a new level of challenges, joys, anxieties, and trust in this relationship with the living God.  I sense that one of the keys to this season of life is the fact that my life is not my own.  This is a blessing, not a curse, for I am never alone.  This also means the destruction of anything other than Jesus that gives me a false sense of control or security over my life.  Two Scripture passages come to mind as I write this:

"Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in his commands...Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.  They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting the Lord."  -Psalm 112:1, 6-7

"A man's heart plans his way,
but the Lord determines his steps."
- Proverbs 16:9

As many other Christians who are in similar types of transition, Abraham is a beautiful model for me in this season as well:

"By faith, Abraham, when he was called, obeyed and went out to a place he was going to receive as an inheritance.  He went out, not knowing where he was going."  Hebrews 11:8

Because Christ has called and empowers me daily, it is right to dream with Him and stand firmly not on what I know about the future, but stand firmly on the fact that I am a dearly loved child of God.  This is what life is about and each season of life is simply a different manifestation of this reality.

Savior, please pilot me (lyrics here):

"Hosanna" to "Crucify Him"

While I was doing dishes from lunch today, I started thinking about what to wear to the Good Friday service tonight.  I seem to remember some people wearing black in years past, but not everyone.  I then realized what a paradox this all is.  It parallels the crowd's behavior between Palm Sunday and Good Friday.  I will never forget how my youth pastor described it: one Sunday the crowd was shouting, "Hosanna" and the very next they were shouting, "Crucify Him!"  I remember thinking when I first heard this, "Well, maybe it was just a different group of people."

Today in front of the sink, however, I saw the paradox and war between natures in my own being.  My spirit is going tonight to mourn and recognize what Christ did for me in my sin.  My flesh is going tonight to mock and reject Jesus as my Lord and Savior, for he is not the expected King of the Jews.  One Sunday they cried, "Hosanna" because they thought Jesus would save them and be their king the way they expected and wanted Him to be.  The next Sunday they cried, "Crucify Him!" because He was not who they thought He should be.  How hidden Jesus was from them and yet they saw Him with their own eyes.  I am no different unless God gives me eyes to see.  God is most revealed and most hidden on the cross.

Thanks be to God that Jesus is who He says He is, and is not who I say He is.

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God...Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God."
- 1 Corinthians 1:18, 22-24